All I Ever Wanted
by Lana Archer
Summary: Bringing back Lily Salvatore turned out to be the biggest mistake Damon had ever made. How will he handle the consequences? Why is Kai trying to kill Bonnie again and what will Damon do with the cure when the times comes?
1. Chapter 1

**Note: **This is unedited and based on a combination of my insomnia, twitter ramblings and my idea of where this all could lead. It might not be to your taste, but that's okay too :)

Reviews are eskimo kisses.

* * *

**All I Ever Wanted**

All she knew was that everyone had a choice, or choices; everyone had an array of options presented to them. Defining moments that would differentiate between what they were and what they weren't. Freedom was who you chose to be, what you chose to do, whichever path you decided to plant your feet on.

Yet now, she wasn't quite so sure anymore. She had given Damon a choice; she'd presented him with the opportunity to divvy up between what was 'right' and what was 'wrong'. What was 'good' and what was 'bad'. She knew that in doing this, she'd given him what the world had failed to; she'd given him himself. She'd given him the cure, in the hopes that whatever course he chose to take, that he'd do it for himself; that he'd recognise her faith in him. Her unwavering trust. Except now, she wasn't so sure any of that mattered anymore. Wasn't it bad enough that her mother had built a family outside of her, outside of her existence? Damon's mother's reaction was much the same; she'd found a family in 1903 – she'd found a home and a world of her own, an existence that thrived outside of him and Stefan. An existence that, to be entirely frank, would continue its course, with or without their presence; as it had for almost a hundred years. Bonnie closed her eyes at the parallel that ran between her and Damon, one of many if she was honest with herself.

No, that wasn't enough. Now Bonnie's hands were tied and she had to return to 1903 to give Lily her family back. She'd been in hysterics since her arrival to the present day; refusing to in any way cooperate or acclimate. Lily longed for what she knew, what Damon could never give her. She longed for her life back in literal damnation; Bonnie could see it in her eyes. The minute Lily returned with them she'd begun plotting for the others to join her. The other rippers, other souls bound in purgatory, bound in the hell of their thirst. Her family. Bonnie couldn't look at Damon anymore, couldn't bare him asking her to do something he didn't even think to be the right thing to do. Elena's voice hovered somewhere behind Bonnie; and the witch was sure that her friend was trying to be supportive but all Bonnie felt was a detached annoyance at the prospect of having another variable in the equation. She had too much to think about, too many things that could go wrong that she had to be prepared for.

* * *

When they arrived in 1903 Lily flashed away to the bungalow where Bonnie'd initially made her discovery of another parallel universe. Damon remained quiet as he and Bonnie followed begrudgingly after Elena's hurried footsteps. Elena's head snapped to the left and she flashed away. Damon sighed and grabbed at Bonnie, rushing after his girlfriend. Bonnie clung to him, purely out of surprise – his proximity was nothing new to her. When they arrived Bonnie reeled back and gasped. Kai and the Others were conversing with Lily, almost conspiratorially. Something wasn't right. A gust of wind passed over Bonnie, lifting her scent and sending it flurrying over the Others along with the spatters of snow. A chorus of gasps and hisses ensued as the Rippers caught Bonnie's scent and all their heads snapped in her direction as she latched onto Damon who did his best to hide her from sight.

"There she is!" Kai called out with a bright, sharp smile. "Bonnie…I knew you'd come back for me." She couldn't even think of a response through the lead-like fear that had filled her bones. All the Other's eyes had bled into a violent red-black and their fangs only emphasised their want for her blood. "Oh no, no, no," Kai tisked playfully, "No one gets to hurt Bon-Bon, she's our only way out of here – our _meal ticket_ if you will." He shared a giddy smile with one of the men as the Others finally caught on.

"We're not here for you Kai." Elena spoke up, her bravado hollow and misguided. The look he sent her in response proved as much. Damon's body was tense as he dipped into a defensive stance in front of Bonnie.

"Any one of you lay a hand on her and I promise you, it will be the last thing you do." The elder Salvatore spat. Lily's face was annoyed.

"Aren't you sick of all this yet Damon?" Kai pressed, "You know none of us will hurt her, we _need_ her." Damon growled as Bonnie's grip on his one arm tightened.

"I mean _ever_." Damon clarified. Kai grinned.

"You don't seem to care much for the rest of the world." One of the Others observed. Bonnie gulped.

"You would be correct." Damon's smile was tight. Kai nodded as he crossed his arms.

"Fascinating isn't it?" Kai said as his eyes sought Bonnie out, ducking his head and beaming at her when she scowled at him, "His love of the witch." Elena frowned and her eyes darted back to the duo as Bonnie's heart beat tripled. "Getting out of my prison world I tested her love of him and I wasn't disappointed…well, not until she got one over on me," the edge in his voice gave Bonnie goosebumps, "And now it seems that his love of her is being tested. How peculiar the Universe can be."

"Shut up before I rip your _mouth_ off your _face_." Damon snarled. Kai raised his hands with a chuckle.

"We need to leave." Lily said, "And Kai comes with us."

"_Out of the question_!" Damon snapped. Lily's face hardened.

"He's promised to help our coven acclimate." Bonnie's teeth gnashed together, of course he had. "We need him."

"No," Elena interjected, "What you need is to leave him behind, _here_, where he belongs." Lily's face turned to stone as she locked eyes together.

"These prison worlds are hell, no one deserves to be condemned here, and you should know better than to suggest something like that to people who have been stuck here for decades." Elena's mouth clamped shut. "Especially when this person is our ally."

"He is not your ally." Bonnie called out to Lily, redirecting the vampire's attention. "He cannot be trusted."

"By _you_ perhaps," The woman agreed, her blue eyes, so like Damon's, cold and unwavering, held her gaze, "But we are older, wiser…more determined."

"With all due respect," Bonnie said, straightening up and stepping around Damon only to have him grab her arm and keep her close to him, "You're being impulsive and reckless." Bonnie shook her head, "He betrayed me before I'd even considered the thought of seeing good in him…he's a _psychopath_." Kai's face puckered at her words, his chest tightening at the sight of her as she spoke to Lily. "You need to leave him here."

"No," Lily's voice was hard, "He leaves with us and you take me and my family home like you promised." Bonnie's eyes began to burn for some reason, the dread she'd felt since the start of all this building to an uncomfortable level as she looked up at Damon. Finally looked at him. Their expressions were similar; pained and disappointed and above that…helpless.

"Fine." Bonnie said as she turned her eyes back to the group of people before her; Rippers and Siphon… "Let's go."

* * *

_Two Days Later_

"One move Damon," Kai said, "And Bonnie gets it." Damon spared a momentary glance at Elena who was unconscious on the floor. Bonnie wriggled against his hold around her throat as her eyes begged Damon to leave, to find his mother and put an end to all the bloodshed that had followed her return with her beloved 'family'.

"Why are you doing this Kai?" Damon asked between heaving breaths.

"Because if I can't have her, what on Earth makes you think _you_ can?" Kai's expression was murderous, "We're the same Damon, we _kill_, we _take_, we _infect_…she deserves more than that, from both of us and we'll never be able to give that to her, you realise that right?" Damon's jaw clenched, Kai grinned, "That's it isn't Damon? You know I'm right. That's your weakness; how aware you are of your unworthiness of anything good this world has to offer…just like me. That's why I take, that's why I am the way I am…same for you. And neither of us will _ever_ stop." Bonnie gasped and cried out as a knife slid into her abdomen from behind as Kai pierced her flesh. "What a shame she had to choose you to love, huh?"

"**Enough**!" Damon screamed, "Stop! Whatever you want, take it, I don't care." Kai paused and Bonnie whimpered as the blade was removed. Blood spread over her shirt, the smell of it permeating the room and bringing forth an unprecedented fury in Damon's eyes.

"I want you two to suffer, just like I have." Kai said simply, "That's all." Damon's pressed his eyes shut in defeat. His mother was on a rampage; his brother was dead to the world along with his not-quite girlfriend. Elena was helplessly flailing between denial and unconsciousness while the rest of Mystic Falls hightailed it to the nearest highway, leading out of this hell hole.

"Damon, go." Bonnie spluttered for the umpteenth time, "Save them."

"Save _who_, Bonnie?" Damon roared, "Everyone else is gone, dead or irrelevant. _You're_ the one I need to be with." Her eyelids fluttered as the blood loss began to kick in.

"No." She took a shuddering breath, "I need you safe, you _have_ to _go_."

"Yeah, Damon," Kai added in, "_Go_, remind her how utterly selfish you can be." Kai began to laugh, "Take your epic Elena and flee, have your happy ever after. Leave Bon-Bon with me." He pecked her temple and she hissed in anger. "I'll take good care of her."

"_**Like hell**_." Damon barely felt the words rush out of him before his vision was consumed by a blinding film of crimson, the last sound he recognised was Bonnie's scream and it finally sent him over the edge…

Moments later, with a shaking but breathing witch in his arms, Damon blinked into coherency and looked down at the two of them. They were covered in blood, Kai's blood. His head still rolling away from them. Bonnie was trying desperately to get a decent amount of air into her starved lungs but the adrenaline wouldn't let her steady herself. "I'm here." Damon said, "I'm here. You're fine. He's gone." She cried in earnest then, her body spasming with aftershocks of fear.

"It's not over." She reminded him. "It's not over and I don't think we're going to make it." Damon drew in a breath and looked around them, Elena was still passed out.

"We always make it Bonnie, you know that. Me and you? We **survive**." He tore into his wrist and poured blood into her mouth. "We're ending this, and we're ending this now."

* * *

The streets were flooded with blood and mayhem. Screams cut through the howling wind that swept up the scent of blood and dirt. Damon and Bonnie were rushing through it all, trying to find the eye of the storm. A body flew past them and Damon flashed away and was back next to Bonnie before she could blink. The head of one of the Others spun off into the distance, the man's eyes having been closed as he revelled in the high of his bloodlust.

"Almost there, almost there." Damon muttered over and over and Bonnie's eyes shone with ever present tears as the weight of their situation pressed down on her for the umpteenth time. She knew where this was all headed, she just hoped that when it came down to it, it ended the way it should – whatever the hell that meant. "Almost there, we're almost there." Bonnie's breathing hiccupped as she scanned the open field with wild eyes. She had so many memories in this town, this park to be more specific. Evening town gatherings, celebrations, the death of her father…Her eyes pressed closed as she drew a long breath through her nose. "Stay with me Bonnie." Damon's voice reopened her eyes and she tightened her hold on his hand as they hurried through the littered streets.

"_Incendia_!" Bonnie yelled, her arm aimed at two of the Others as they fed from a screaming woman…Mrs Hollard who lived next door to Matty…God she hoped Matt was safe, she couldn't bear it, not even the thought of losing another person she loved. But she had to be strong, she had to keep up with Damon – they had to end this.

"My fault." His words were nothing but a rushed breath but she heard him all the same, she knew he was blaming himself for it all. He hadn't thought beyond getting his mother back and now all of Mystic Falls was paying the price. "My fault."

"Not true." Bonnie huffed as she skittered around a wayward leg that was clearly ripped off of some poor man. "That's not true Damon and I won't argue with you on this, not now, not _ever_." He didn't say anything but looking up at him she saw his taught jawline and his crazed eyes.

"They're here." Damon hissed and pulled her to his side as they rounded a corner to enter the parking lot behind the newly refurbished Grille. Bonnie swallowed heavily and nodded her head, her eyes locked on the remaining three Others – Damon's mother included. "…_Bonnie_." his voice broke as it framed her name, "No matter what, I'm going to make sure you live, okay. I just need you to trust me." He wasn't even looking at her as he spoke, his eyes trained on his mother and the poor soul whose life was dwindling in her hands. His hushed words coursed through Bonnie as she trailed her eyes over his face.

"Always." She replied and looked ahead, missing his glance down at her. When he raised his head he locked eyes with the two people with his mother, aiming for them first, while Bonnie engulfed the immediate area in flames.

* * *

"You don't have it in you." Lily spat, dribbles of blood lining her mouth and words. "You're just like me when I lived, weak, **miserable**." She swallowed and began to laugh, "Your father was always the one who did the hard work, always made sure that my hands stayed clean…_oh if he could see me now_." She seemed delirious as she rode out her high. Damon's heart shattered to a thousand pieces. "What did you think would happen Damon? You were never supposed to find me, I was never supposed to be freed, but you found me and you freed me and you gave my family and I something we yearned for longer than normal people care to _live_."

"You're _my_ family!" Damon cried out, his voice hoarse with emotion, "_Mine_, you were supposed to love _me_, wait for _me_!" Forcing the tears back he glared at her, "I know in there somewhere you love me and I know you're still my mother." She looked at him sadly.

"Damon, your mother is long dead." Lily's voice was soft and sweet as it sent the sharp shot of pain straight through his chest. "And for that I _am_ sorry, but you killed my family…I, I, I don't think I could ever forgive you for that."

"What like I could never forgive you for _abandoning_ me when I _needed_ you, bringing these…these monsters with you and ruining the closest thing I've had to home since you _died_…Mother I could _never_ forgive you for that." Lily's smile was cold. "How could you do this?"

"_Please_," Lily said as her eyes flitted to Bonnie, "You can hardly cast judgement when you yourself have lived a lie of your own construction. You don't love Elena, you and Stefan hardly see eye to eye on the simplest things…he didn't even know I was alive, or back," Lily shook her head angrily, "You have no right to judge me when you can't even own up to your own truths."

"You don't know me," Damon spat, "You don't even know who you are anymore…you're emotions are off –"

"And they're _never_ coming back on –"

"I thought you would have wanted your son back, Stefan…as he _was_ –"

"He made the right choice –"

"How can you _say_ that?!"

"We're **DAMNED** _**Damon**_, this is who we are…days like _these_," her eyes roamed around before settling on Bonnie, "people like _her_," she smiled when she looked back at Damon, "They don't matter. None of this does. Their lives are so short that there's no point indulging in these delusions of yours, one day she'll be nothing but a memory…a figment of your imagination and how is that healthy for us? There's no _point_ to this love…"

"You're _wrong_," Damon's smile was sad as his eyes blurred with tears, "_Loving_ her…_knowing_ her, is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and no amount of pain or time could ever make me regret that." Bonnie's heart galumphed in her chest. Did he just…? "What matters is how _this_, how _existing_ makes us feel…that's all that keeps us whole…breezing through it, not letting any of it touch you…why live at all?" Lily's face darkened.

"Excellent question." In a flash she made for Bonnie, fangs bared, curled hair streaking out behind her as her arms clawed at the shortening space between her and the witch. With a pained roar Damon intercepted her, his fist shooting through her chest. Bonnie gasped as she stumbled backwards, Lily barely having reached her. Bonnie watched as Damon staggered to his feet, his mother's withered heart falling from his palm.

"Damon…Oh my god." Bonnie lamented as she made for him, but when his eyes met hers her feet faltered, "I'm, I, I'm so – sorry, I –" In a flash he had her within the circle of his steel arms and their tears were quiet as they fell in the dead night.

* * *

_The next day_

Stefan was _back_, bringing Caroline with him. Elena came to as well…eventually. They all found Bonnie and Damon sitting side by side quietly on the couch. Initially the vampire trio stepped into the den of the Boarding House and did a tally of the damage the building had been exposed to. As Stefan rounded the couch his eyebrows flew heavenward. Bonnie and Damon were hand in hand, staring at the empty fireplace. But that wasn't all. Damon's heart was beating – slowly but steadily.

"…Damon?" Stefan's mouth felt dry and his world was tilting and falling in on itself. Damon had called and told him his mother was dead…again… "Damon, it's me."

"I can hear you." Damon muttered. Bonnie blinked slowly and then leaned into him. Elena ad Caroline came to hover over them as they stood next to Stefan.

"Do you have a –"

"_Heartbeat_?" Damon provided, "Yes brother, as a matter of fact I do." His eyes lifted up then and locked with the three of them while Bonnie sighed and took in a ragged breath. "I took the cure Bonnie gave me." Elena's eyes bulged while Caroline's mouth plopped open.

"She – Bonnie gave, you, wait, what?" Elena stammered.

"She gave me the cure and I took it, it's what I wanted."

"_Damon_…" Elena couldn't hide the hurt in her voice and it caused his gaze to zero in on her.

"I don't _want_ forever Elena, not with you, not with my brother, not even with myself…I've had enough…this is my choice and I'm sticking to it." Elena's heart broke, she hadn't even registered Bonnie really, never mind the way he was gripping her hand in his. "Respect my choice." He looked down at Bonnie then before lifting his gaze up to his brother. "We're leaving."

"We?" Stefan echoed.

"Bonnie and I."

"Where?

"Why?"

"No!" The last was Elena.

"Yes." Damon's voice was hard and icy. "You can't stop us. We need to leave, in fact, I suggest you do the same."

"…Bonnie?" This was from Caroline, the witch looked up as she heard the pain riddling the blonde's words.

"I'm sorry." Was all Bonnie could say as she began sobbing again. "I can't be here anymore."

"So we're not going to talk about any of it?" Elena interrupted, "Not the _cure_, not Damon _taking it_, not what happened last night, not what's _been_ happening between the two of you, I mean –"

"Elena this isn't about you." Bonnie said quietly.

"And it hasn't been for a while now, I know there are ways we could have handled this better but, last night I made a choice, a few choices and…the common denominator was Bonnie. She's my middle ground. She makes sense to me, for me…and she didn't even make me choose to begin with…I don't want forever…And I don't want it…_With her_." Elena looked down at her best friend as her undead heart broke, she couldn't help the confusion, the anger, the pain. "Don't look at her like that." Damon called to Elena, "We have no one to blame but ourselves for what happened between us. None of this makes sense, none of it ever has, but the closer to peace I've ever gotten was with her and I'm going to fight tooth and nail to hang onto that." The silence swallowed all five of them as they processed his words. After a while he cleared his throat he stood to his feet and lifted Bonnie with him. "We'll call you."

"No matter what, I love you guys." Bonnie said, smiling as best as she could, "Don't forget that."

"Yeah," Damon said as he wound his hand around her waist, "Ditto on that." The three vampires watched as they left. After the sound of Damon's Camaro had long faded into the distance Caroline looked between Stefan and Elena and the state the Boarding House was in.

"So what the hell happens _now_?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Note:** I just had to (this is for what happened the night before Bonnie and Damon leave Mystic Falls)

* * *

**Between "Forever" and "Tomorrow with You"**

_Oh, my love how it pains me to tell you, but forever with you is not what I want. That greed will not sate me, only you, only this, only now._

* * *

"We need to get away from all this." Damon said his voice hoarse and soft. Bonnie nodded as she took a tentative step out of his arms. Her hand was immediately in his and it sent something shooting through her; warmth, adrenaline, horror…she couldn't tell.

"Sure." She mumbled, looking down at herself, "I mean, we are covered in blood." When she looked up his gaze was locked on her and it caused her breath to lodge in her throat. "…_Damon_…Are you –"

"No." He answered, "But that's not it…I, I almost lost you today, _twice_." She didn't know what to say, what could she say?

"But you _saved_ me…_twice_." She reminded him, "So…thank you." Her blinks were rapid as she tried to rein her tears in. "When Kai…I, god it took me back, you know? To that feeling." Damon's face contorted in the pain of his understanding, "I think that's going to stay with me forever." His jaw clenched, if he could kill the bastard again he would, but he doubted it would ever sate the hatred that burned inside of him at the knowledge of what Kai had done to Bonnie…what the memory of him would always do to her. She looked so sad in that moment; it left him feeling so helpless.

"Bonnie I'm sorry." She frowned. "For not trying harder to get to you, for not being there when you needed me…for not making a pact to protect you instead of making one to just die with you…you needed more and I didn't give it to you."

"Damon, you're… my friend, you did what friends _do_," Bonnie countered, "You tried for me." His expression turned incredulous for multiple reasons.

"_One_," he said, stepping closer to her, "We're not friends," the way he said it made her heart warm for some reason, she knew he didn't mean it as an insult, "_Two_," he moved an errant lock of hair matted with dried blood out of her face, "Friends do more than try Bonnie, they do more than _say_ they tried. That's what _your_ friends do," he gave her a meaningful look, "_Me_, I want to be the person who fights, the person that, even if I fail, no one can tell me it wasn't worth the shot…and it always is with you. Trust me." She held his gaze for a moment, tear stains still lining her cheeks.

"Damon, what you said earlier –"

"Not here." He cut her off and before she could ask him what he meant they were flying through the night sky, hurtling at that inhuman speed she doubted she'd ever get used to.

* * *

She wasn't sure what she'd expected but when they landed outside of her Grams' house, she was glad he'd chosen to come here and not the Boarding House, where Kai's body was still likely to be, or her house, where nothing but the ghost of her life remained. Wordlessly, the two of them trudged up the steps and took pause in front of the door.

"Come in." Bonnie said, softly, tiredly, "Close the door behind you." He did. She switched on a light here and there and made her way upstairs while Damon watched and lingered. He noted how her hands were shaking, how her eyes were going in and out of focus as she orchestrated these mundane tasks. "Do you wanna get cleaned up?"

"I don't have anything to change into." He noted offhandedly. Giving him a once over she began to chant with her eyes fluttering closed and before he could ask her what she was doing a pile of his things reappeared in her waiting hands.

"The dark checked shirt is mine." She said with a pointed finger, "And I don't wanna hear anything about it." He tried to smile, but she was still splashed with blood, still pale from the day's events. He had no doubt that it was all still running through her head at high speeds, flashes of violence; of blood and mangled bodies littering the streets of her home town.

"It looks better on you anyway." He replied as he took the pile of things from her and followed her upstairs to the bathroom. He watched as she stepped into her bedroom in her Grams' house, grabbed a tattered but comfy-looking pair of slippers and short-shorts, what he assumed was underwear from the quick flash of lace she hid from his line of vision.

"I, do, do you want to go first?" She stammered, he tilted his head at her, watching her struggle to hold his gaze. He freed up his hands and rolled up his sleeves as he walked around her into the bathroom. Turning on the light he left the door wide open and headed straight for the claw footed bathtub in the dead centre of the room. His gaze ran over the assortment of bath-things before he settled on the last few drops of lavender bath oil and ran a bath. He flashed to his feet while the water ran and stopped in front of Bonnie.

"Come here." His voice was soft, even to his own ears, "_Just_, do it." He added, noting the apprehension in her eyes. With slow, delicate fingers he moved more of her short wispy hair out of her face, tugged on the cardigan she'd managed to keep on throughout it all and tossed it aside. She stepped out of her shoes as he held onto her to steady her and huffed as she averted her eyes from him. Lifting her shaking hands and dropping them she sighed as they fell from the hem of her shirt. "I just want to help you." He promised her, "That's all." With that, he lifted her shirt up and over her head and swallowed back any other emotion his body was begging to feel outside of care for the woman in front of him. Right now she needed him to be gentle; she didn't need him to show her what was really going on inside of his head. How desperately he just wanted to close the space between them and surpass an explanation for his declaration earlier. He flicked open the button of her jeans and dropped down to tug them off of her legs, which were also shaking as she held onto his shoulders for balance while stepping out of them. He took her hand and led her to the filled tub and turned the taps off. "Do you want me to leave?"

"N, no." Her nails were scraping anxious trails up and down the sides of her arms as she stood there, half naked in front of him. "But if you want to leave, then –" Seconds later he was only in his underwear and back in front of her, lifting her into his arms. Slowly he walked until they stepped into the tub and he lowered her into the warm water. They sat still for a while; Bonnie between his legs, until he began to run his hands over her shoulders as she leaned into his chest. He washed off the dried blood where he could find it and then settled on running his fingers across her skin, hoping to calm her some. She brought up her knees after a few moments and turned on her side, pressing her forehead to his jaw. She was _so_ small.

"Why am I still shaking?" She breathed raggedly, "Why won't it stop?" His arms circled her small waist as he tried and failed to think of something, anything to say to her to create an ebb in the continuous lulling of her pain. She took a breath, "I'm so sorry Damon, this, right now, shouldn't even be about me, you, you've lost so much and I, I couldn't even help you, I just _stood_ there –"

"Ssh," he stopped her, "_Please_," he chose to keep his eyes on the way the dried blood mixed with the warm bathwater and circled her body as it washed away, "I'd rather not talk about that right now."

"I want to help you, too."

"You are." One of her arms wound around his and he felt something slide quietly into place within him.

"We've crossed so boundaries." Bonnie murmured, her breath tickling his throat. A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"We're not friends Bonnie, there are no boundaries."

"You're dating my best friend." She said. The sentence made no impact on him, much like the thought of Elena in that moment. He didn't care about anything else anymore; nothing outside of this moment could capture his attention quite like the witch in his arms.

"We died together," he countered, "Fought like hell for each other," he took a deep breath, "There's something to be said about wanting to die with someone, you know? Living… it doesn't take much, and forever sounds like much of the same, _dying_…dying takes it all and I wanted to die with you, I still do." He felt her body tense.

"…What do you mean?" Damon let her move so that she could look him in the eye. He felt the weight of his words on his chest before his mouth had even formed them.

"Bonnie, the cure, I want to take it." Her face was expertly devoid of a reaction, a part of him commended her, "I want to be human…but, I, I want to do it, _with you_." She gulped and looked away, "I know that's a lot to process, believe me, but, everything we've been through, all of it left me feeling like we were living in fast forward and I don't want that, I want it slower, I want it quieter, like when it was just us."

"It wasn't quieter with just us, we argued too much." He smiled at that.

"And it was like music to my ears."

"_Liar_." She chewed on her bottom lip, "But, I," she took a breath as she settled back against him, still curled in the foetal position, "I mean I get it. I know that we changed together, we literally went through hell with and for each other and that means something…but Damon, love for you in the past has always been this all-consuming _thing_ and I don't think I can live up to that. At all."

"I don't want it to consume me." Damon said, "I want it to do what you already do for me, I want it to _soothe_ me, to make me more of who I want to be, and the closest I've ever gotten to that, the closest I've ever gotten to being a man I myself can be proud of was because of you, directly or indirectly."

"You love Elena." Bonnie countered.

"So do you, if not more than me." He pointed out. "Bonnie, I need you, in whatever capacity I can have you, but I also happen to want you, in every capacity there is to want another person." He took one of her hands in his and intertwined their fingers. "I don't think relationships are meant to start the way ours did and, I don't know where I'm going from here, all I know is that I want you with me."

"I'm no good the way I am, Damon," her voice was sad, "All I have to offer are night terrors, erratic magic, bad memories and PTSD."

"Wrong," he half sang, "You offer me loyalty, love, hope and peace. How could I not want those things?" He dipped his head a little, "We're both broken Bonnie, but we survived before, we can do it again. Look at the facts, every time you and I work together it all works out – how could this be any different?"

"You'll be human, alive, with me, trying to live with everything we've been through while we figure out what we've been feeling since hell swallowed us whole." He nodded.

"I can't do forever anymore Bon, I want every day to have that finality attached to it, I want it to mean more to me, like you do." She pressed her eyes closed.

"You _know_ I love you," she said, "I know you love me, we've known this for a while now without giving it a name, without defining what form love took with us; friendship, something more…?" She sighed, "But this is real Damon, if you take the cure everything changes."

"It's about damn time too."

* * *

Once they were cleaned up and she was in his checked shirt and a pair of black tights he stepped into her room dressed all in black as he always was. Without saying anything he raised a hand and wiggled the cure with his fingers. Despite it all, she smiled.

"Are you sure?" She asked again as he held his other hand out to her. He nodded as they walked down to the living room and settled on one of the couches.

"As long as you stay with me and make sure nothing goes wrong after I take it."

"I promise." She said easily as she turned her body to face him. He held her eyes for a long time. "Damon, I promise I'll stay, for as long as you'll need me."

"Bonnie I've always needed you and I'm pretty sure I'm always _going_ to need you."

"Then I'll always be there." She said with a small smile. "I _promise_." He kissed her knuckles, lifting her hand to his lips with quick, vampire speed. She couldn't help the blush that coloured her skin.

"Okay," he exhaled purposefully, "Here goes everything." Using his free hand, Damon cracked through the crystalline structure of the cure and poured the content down in his mouth as Bonnie held her breath. He sucked in a sharp, sudden breath and his hold on Bonnie's hand tightened. Grunting his back arched into the upholstery and Bonnie leaned forward, closer to him and her free hand cupped his cheek.

"Damon, talk to me." She didn't want to panic, but between the vampire blood in her system and the cure coursing through Damon's veins they both had to stay close to the realm of safety; they couldn't afford anything going wrong right now. "Damon?"

"Unggh," He gasped, "Bonnie, it…it _burns_."

"Ssh, ssh, ssh, I'm here, I'm right here." He nodded jerkily as he began to spasm. "Hold on to me Damon, you'll be fine." He whimpered a little and hissed before one final yelp left him and he slumped over on himself; unconscious. "Damon…" Bonnie's heartrate tripled as she tapped the sides of his face, "Damon, can you hear me? Damon!" She pressed her ear to his chest and held her breath. For five whole minutes; the longest five minutes of her life, she kept checking for a pulse, a beat, a breath. And then… "_Oh thank god_!" There, thrumming against her ear, was the beautiful sound of Damon Salvatore's heartbeat.

* * *

"We should call everyone." Bonnie murmured through a tired smile as Damon nuzzled her neck, she giggled and wriggled away, "Damon, _stop_."

"You know," his voice vibrated off of the skin of her neck where he was still buried, "It's weird." He raised his head, "You still smell amazing to me."

"_Amazing_?" She echoed dubiously. He hummed in response.

"Like fire and sugar and warm cinnamon." He moved closer to her. "It was exhausting trying to ignore it." She shuddered. "Bonnie?"

"Damon?"

"…_Kiss me_." Her eyes snapped to his and she swore her lungs caved in. Her mouth plopped open helplessly as she tried to articulate the thousands of reasons why that would be an awful idea. "I want you to be the first person I kiss as a human," His voice dropped to a mere whisper as he inched closer to her, "The first person who makes my heart speed, makes my breath catch," He turned her face to his by her chin, "The first person to make me _blush_."

"You? Blush?" She asked, her voice shaking.

"Bonnie," His mouth curved upward, "If you can't give me anything more, just give me a kiss. That's all."

"You know that's not me," she said seriously and she watched his face falter but she moved her hands to settle on his shoulders, "I'm an all-in kind of girl, I can't just kiss you, _you_ Damon, and then walk away."

"Then _kiss me_," his mouth was a breath from hers, "And _stay_."

So she did.


End file.
